Brené is a shame and vulnerability researcher, so her book talks a lot about shame in our society and how we can change our reactions to allow ourselves to live happier lives. The book is filled with her research findings and personal accounts of how this research has impacted her own life, but what struck me the most was how her information fit into my own life and how valuable her advice was.
Brown frames her book with a wonderful quote by Theodore Roosevelt that excellently captures the intention of her book and serves as great inspiration for life (you better believe I wrote it in my planner) and I want to share it:
" It is not the critic who counts; not the
Some of Her Points
1. Scarcity- One of the topics that she focuses on in her book is the concept of scarcity in our society and how it brings up the concept of a "never enough" mentality. She explains that this mentality stems from our constant comparison to things in our environment. We compare ourselves to our peers, to people on social media, or just our idea of how our lives should be going. How often do we scroll through our Instagram feeds glancing at pictures of beautiful people or beautiful places, wishing that we could have those things? She also makes a point about how many of us have a set of criteria for our worth and that if we have all of the attributes on our list, only then will we be good enough. The solution? Of course, to be kinder to yourself. Realize that having such a list will only set you up for failure, and that instead you should focus on believing you are enough without having to mark off a checklist. This could also extend to perfectionism in our lives and not feeling good enough until you get everything on your list completed. I know that I could identify with this because at times I would feel discouraged if I didn't get everything that I hoped to accomplish done. Over time, I've realized that if I, at least, mark one task off my list that demonstrates that I am trying and that is enough.
2. Uncertainty and the fear of failure- In the book she explains that putting our ideas or works out into the open without the assurance of acceptance or appreciation makes us vulnerable. But, we shouldn't let the fear of failure stop us from doing the things that we want to do. She mentions that she has the quote "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" hung above her desk as a reminder to take risks. She explains that many people are waiting for the right moment or for things to be perfect to do the things they want, but that they should instead just do them. Thinking about the quote on her wall, I know there would be many things that I would've done if I knew that I couldn't fail or things that I would've pursued if I knew that I would be successful. Heck, for a while I wanted to start blogging, but I wanted to wait for the right moment. Until one day, I just decided I was going to start, and I just went for it. From her advice and personal experience, it is important to just go for things, because sometimes the "perfect moment" might not come and we can miss out on something really great.
3.Who Defines your Worth- Brené says, "Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it's a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands." I thought this couldn't be said any better because it is so true. Everyone will have a different opinion about the things you do, but the most important thing is to determine who's opinion really matters. For me, it is always my own and those of the people that I love. They are the only ones that have a full understanding of who I am and can make an accurate judgment. If I valued the opinion of everyone I encountered, I would miserable trying to make people happy. I see many quotes relating to this on social media and one that always comes to mind is " You can't please everyone. You are not a box of chocolates." Everyone is unique, so don't ever be discouraged because someone doesn't like what your have to offer. It just might not be their flavor.
4. Know Your Intention- Why do you do the things you do? Is it because you love to do them?
Or because you want to make someone else happy? She notes that you should do things because you want to do them, not because it would please someone or it would make you more like someone. I know that this is something that I always try to remind myself. I want to do things in my life because they are things I am passionate about. This is something that I think about when I think about this blog. Of course, I would love it if everyone enjoyed reading my blog, and I write it with the hope that I can reach out and help someone that is pursuing a similar journey. But, If at the end of the day the only people that read this are me and my friend Megan (she's the best), that will be good enough for me.
2. Uncertainty and the fear of failure- In the book she explains that putting our ideas or works out into the open without the assurance of acceptance or appreciation makes us vulnerable. But, we shouldn't let the fear of failure stop us from doing the things that we want to do. She mentions that she has the quote "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" hung above her desk as a reminder to take risks. She explains that many people are waiting for the right moment or for things to be perfect to do the things they want, but that they should instead just do them. Thinking about the quote on her wall, I know there would be many things that I would've done if I knew that I couldn't fail or things that I would've pursued if I knew that I would be successful. Heck, for a while I wanted to start blogging, but I wanted to wait for the right moment. Until one day, I just decided I was going to start, and I just went for it. From her advice and personal experience, it is important to just go for things, because sometimes the "perfect moment" might not come and we can miss out on something really great.
3.Who Defines your Worth- Brené says, "Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it's a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands." I thought this couldn't be said any better because it is so true. Everyone will have a different opinion about the things you do, but the most important thing is to determine who's opinion really matters. For me, it is always my own and those of the people that I love. They are the only ones that have a full understanding of who I am and can make an accurate judgment. If I valued the opinion of everyone I encountered, I would miserable trying to make people happy. I see many quotes relating to this on social media and one that always comes to mind is " You can't please everyone. You are not a box of chocolates." Everyone is unique, so don't ever be discouraged because someone doesn't like what your have to offer. It just might not be their flavor.
4. Know Your Intention- Why do you do the things you do? Is it because you love to do them?
Or because you want to make someone else happy? She notes that you should do things because you want to do them, not because it would please someone or it would make you more like someone. I know that this is something that I always try to remind myself. I want to do things in my life because they are things I am passionate about. This is something that I think about when I think about this blog. Of course, I would love it if everyone enjoyed reading my blog, and I write it with the hope that I can reach out and help someone that is pursuing a similar journey. But, If at the end of the day the only people that read this are me and my friend Megan (she's the best), that will be good enough for me.
Brown frames her book with a wonderful quote by Theodore Roosevelt that excellently captures the intention of her book and serves as great inspiration for life (you better believe I wrote it in my planner) and I want to share it:
" It is not the critic who counts; not the
man who points out how the strong man
stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could
have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actu-
ally in the arena, whose face is marred by dust
and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;
who errs, who comes short again and again,
because there is no effort without error
and shortcoming; but who does actually
strive to do the deeds; who knows great en-
thusiams, the great devotions; who spends
himself in a worthy cause;
who at best knows in the end the triumph
of high achievement, and who at worst, if
he fails, at least fails while daring greatly..."
I hope this post inspired you to pick up this book because it is a really good read and Brené gives great advice. I also hope that you had a great weekend and that the beginning of your week has been going well. I'll talk to you soon!
~Genesis<3
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