On My Differential

I realized in my last post that I didn't really touch on anything that has been going on in my life (Whoops!) and I know that part of what I want to get across is that when you're in medicine, your life isn't completely medicine (Well, for the most part haha). As I had mentioned before, the past couple months have been a bit busy as I was adjusting to being in my clinical years and getting used to working a full-time job. Thankfully, students aren't required to work the same hours that the residents do, but some days are pretty close. The long hours coupled with having to study for the shelf exam at the end of each clerkship can lead to long days and exhaustion ( I've always had trouble sleeping and during my last rotation I would knock out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow). I won't lie, some days have been particularly hard. Especially when I come home and I'm just so drained from the day, that even having a bite to eat sounds like an arduous task. But, the days off in between paired with the incredible experiences that you get to witness during your clerkships fuel you during the trying times and help you get back up to take another round in the ring.

So, on that note I want to talk about some of the things that have been on my differential in the past couple months:

1. The End of Summer:

     One of the hardest parts of starting with Internal Medicine as my first clerkship was missing out on having a chance to really enjoy the summer. My internal medicine rotation started in the middle of June and for the subsequent eight weeks, my life consisted of long days at the hospital. My second month of IM was the busiest as I spent most of my weekends on call which meant that I was stuck in the hospital all day. While I loved what I was doing, I definitely got FOMO watching my classmates and non-medical friends post themselves out and about living their best lives and enjoying the summer. And some days it was pretty hard. But you understand that there are going to be many days that I will wish that I am anywhere but the hospital. But, there are also so many times that I am so thankful that I get to live this experience and that this is what I will get to do for a living that makes the tough times worth it and you accept that this is just part of the process.

     Not having a summer also hit really hard with the realization that our true "student" days are over and that from here forward we are just like the rest of the people working jobs. There's no more anticipation of summer break and knowing we just have to "make it through the semester" before having time off. We still get time off, but it's not on a particular timeline and surely not at the length you get in undergrad or for us like we had after our first year of medical school. So it was a bit bittersweet when we came back from our dedicated study time knowing that this was the mark of a new phase of our lives where summer break was no longer a thing and I was now on my way to becoming a real adult. Kinda scary to think about...

2. Free Time

     From what I said above, I didn't want to give the impression that we don't get any time off. You do get spaces where you can schedule it, but it's up to you to choose how. We were given six weeks of dedicated study time to study for step 1. I personally chose to use four of them to study and two of them to relax and take a quick trip before starting my third year. Some of my classmates did use all six weeks to study and only had a day or two before starting M3 year. So, it just depended on how we felt. Apart from that, each of our clerkship tracks have built-in elective space. We get to use that space to either explore a specialty of interest or also just take a break. After my internal medicine rotation, I had a 5-week block to use as I pleased. I took two weeks of break, I'm currently on week two of an ultrasound elective in the emergency department, and then next week I'll have a week off before starting my next rotation.

     As my next block might be a bit busy, I've been really trying to make the most of having free time. I worked on some finishing touches on my apartment (I painted, found decorations, organized the hot mess of boxes I still had around, etc.), I spent time with friends and family (The pic above is from a trip I took with some friends up to Wisconsin for a music festival), I traveled (I went to Key West post step and I had/have some mini-trips to Wisconsin) and then I've just been trying to do things that have been on the back burner for a while (i.e. working on my blog). It isn't always easy to do the latter especially when free time is scarce and you want to catch up with the people you haven't seen in a bit. But, I've been trying to balance between the two and since I had a larger chunk of time off, it's been manageable. That and I keep telling myself that there's never going to be the perfect moment to do things, so you just have to take it a day at a time and try to do as much as you can.

3. Life Changes

     Honestly, the past 9 months have been filled with so many life changes. I took my first board exam, I transitioned from my pre-clinical to my clinical years, I moved into a new apartment, and my parents moved to a new house from the house that I grew up in. All the change has made my life feel like it's been rapid fire, but I feel like now things are feeling a bit more settled. My parents have been living in their new house for a couple months now, my apartment is mostly set up the way I want it, and I feel like I've adjusted to the change of being an M3. I know life is going to speed up when I start my next rotation but for now, it's really nice to just have some time to breathe. It's given me time to just take a step back and see where I currently am and where I'd like to go next because before I know it, my fourth year will be upon us (it's honestly so crazy to think about).

      I've given a lot of thought to what I would like to do in the future. Currently, I'm still heavily set on pediatrics and of course staying in Chicago still sounds really good to me. But, I've also been exploring the possibility of doing my residency in another city. When we took our trip to Key West, my sister and I spent a few days in Miami. On an afternoon that she was back at the hotel taking a nap, I drove around and stopped in at the local target. And I don't know, it felt so interesting to be by myself in a completely new city. Of course, I had the comfort of knowing my sister was back at the hotel, but my curiosity of what it would be like to explore somewhere new was definitely piqued. I really haven't spent much time alone outside of Chicago and I think that it might be a great experience and the perfect time to do so. As of now, If I had to talk about how I would rank things, I would want Chicago at the top of my list, but closely following would be the cities that I'm curious to explore. We shall see.

4. Creativity

     As I mentioned in my prior post, I had really been struggling with my creativity and what I wanted to do with the blog. My initial mission was to provide a resource where people could see what is on the other side of the medical school doors, to learn about the process of getting here and knowing what it's like once you actually make it in. But, that isn't the only thing that I want to talk about.  One of the benefits of having my two high school best friends in the city is that they are not in medicine and when I'm with them, I can completely step away from it. Of course,  I'm passionate about what I do, but that's not all I do and it's not all that I think about. So, when I think about having a creative outlet where I only talk about one aspect of my life, it feels limiting and then I get discouraged. So, I think for me the best thing going forward is to just write what's on my mind. It'll be a little bit of medicine and a little bit of real life, and you can pick and choose what you'd like to read. I think that's a fair split.

    Also, YouTube...It's been a hotttt minute since I've posted anything on there. But, I went and took a peek on my channel this week and one of my videos ( Being a Biology major) had 25k views. 25k!!! I honestly am shocked that so many people took the time to see what I had to say. And it's really been making me want to go back and create more content. I'm still in the process of figuring out what I want to talk about on my channel and how to proceed going forward. But, that's just a thought I wanted to put out there.

     Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings and this post could probably go on much longer, but I think I might save my other thoughts for a later post. Take care.

~ Genesis<3